Why Making Friends as an Adult Is Hard - And What We Can Do About It
Remember when making friends was easy?
As kids, making friends felt almost effortless. I remember making friends by bonding over Pokémon, because blue was our favorite color, or just because we happened to be in the same class. When I was a teen, school and extracurriculars provided a constant flow of potential friendships (mine were almost exclusively from marching band). Even in college, friendships seemed to form organically through shared experiences and club activities.
But then in adulthood, making friends feels about as easy as parallel parking uphill on the streets of SF, at night in the rain, while there is a huge line of cars behind you. Why is that?
Why making friends as an adult is so tough
1. Life Gets Busier
Between work, errands, and responsibilities; most adults juggle a packed schedule. Unlike school where socializing is baked into your daily life, adult interactions often require effort planning, and scheduling. If I have plans with my friends I need to know weeks in advance and it requires an entry in Google calendar.
2. Friendship Takes a Backseat
As adults, romantic relationships, family obligations, and career goals often take priority. Unlike childhood, when friendship was the main event, it now becomes a side quest.
3. Fewer Built-In Opportunities
Once you leave school, you lose the automatic community that came with it. No more shared lunch breaks or casual hangouts in the quad. Workplaces can fill some of that gap, but they often come with professional boundaries (plus sometimes work is just work).
4. The Fear of Rejection
Let’s be honest, making new friends as an adult can feel oddly similar to dating. I even wonder “Do they even like me? Am I being too clingy?” The fear of being rejected or misunderstood can make it harder to take social risks.
5. People Already Have Their Circles
Many adults already have established friend groups, which can make it difficult to break in. Plus, making time for new people is tough when existing relationships demand attention too.
So, What Can We Do About It?
The good news? It’s entirely possible to make friends as an adult, it just takes a little more intentionality. Here’s how…
1. Put Yourself in New Social Situations
Friendship requires proximity and repetition. Look for activities that offer both. Like joining a recreational sports league, taking a weekly class, or attending a regular meet up. Apps like amiqo make this easier by connecting you with people who want to hang out in your area, whether for a casual coffee or a weekend adventure.
2. Schedule Friend Dates
Just like you would prioritize a romantic date or a meeting, treat friendship with the same importance. If you meet someone you vibe with, don’t leave it to chance! I’ve met people who I’ve vibed with only to never see them again :( Instead you should get someone's contact info and suggest grabbing lunch or going to an event you both have in common. Follow through and keep the momentum going.
3. Be Vulnerable and Authentic
Friendship flourishes through shared vulnerability. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Share personal stories, open up about your struggles (without trauma dumping), and ask meaningful questions. Deep connections grow when you let your guard down.
4. Leverage Your Existing Network
Sometimes new friendships come from old connections. It's funny sometimes how small the world can be, and how big your network can grow. Don’t be shy about asking friends to introduce you to their friends. Expanding your circle through mutual connections can be surprisingly effective.
5. Embrace Technology
Apps like amiqo make it easy to meet like minded people. Whether you’re into basketball, hiking, or boba; amiqo helps you find potential friends with shared interests, removing some of the awkwardness of starting from scratch.
Overall making friends as an adult is a skill, and you can get better at it
It might take more effort and vulnerability, but making meaningful friendships as an adult is completely possible. The key is to be proactive, show up consistently, and embrace small moments of connection. With platforms like amiqo making it easier to meet new people. Try our app now and you just might find that making friends as an adult becomes a whole lot more fun.